“This ain’t no love-in, this ain’t no happenin’”
--The Misfits “Night of the Living Dead” This ain’t no network propaganda that’s cemented the term Golden Age of Television in the pop-culture lexicon. I, for one, have long championed the notion, at least until the other person fumbles for his/her iPhone (because TV is for mindless loners; Facebook is the cat’s ass). I’m willing to lay my movie geekdom on the line and assert that, in terms of pure cinematic expression, shows like Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and The Sopranos belong in the same conversation as Welles, Hitchcock, Bergman, Kurosawa, Scorcese, et al. Many a film snob would scoff at such a statement, but I challenge anyone to show me a classic film character that’s as richly drawn and well-acted as Don Draper, Walter White, or Tony Soprano. Where AMC’s The Walking Dead belongs in the canon of TV’s Golden Age is a storyline far more intriguing than anything Season Five has offered thus far. Indeed, the zombie drama’s audacious arrival in 2010 largely heralded this great Golden Age, but becoming the number one show on TV has seemingly done a huge disservice to the series' creative forces. Once a perfect synthesis of tense narrative and inspired action sequences, The Walking Dead now suffers from aimlessness and repetitiveness. The show’s current setup for a rescue mission at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta feels like a slap in the face, or perhaps more aptly, a gentle poke in the tummy. This counts as the third season in a row where we are watching Rick’s clan clash with yet another inimical suzerain from a well-organized encampment. The scenario was intriguing the first time we went through it with the Governor and Woodbury. Then we wasted most of Season Four on a protracted quest for the ironically named Terminus, where we met another evil leader. Rick and co. made quick work of him. And now we’ve followed the show’s least interesting character, Beth, to Grady Memorial. It’s astonishing that the writers’ big plan for Season Five was to have Beth and Carol be kidnapped by some toughies in a hospital. Honk-shoo-quack-quack (DuckTales reference). The Walking Dead should be taking advantage of its embarrassment of riches to hire the best writers in the business. It should be breaking new ground in the now very tired zombie genre, and rewarding the fans whose loyalty has propelled the show to NFL levels of popularity. Instead, it’s playing it very safe, relying solely on expositive dialogue and mission after mission after mission. They seemed to be onto something with the mission involving Eugene, the scientist who claimed he knew how to fix everything, if only he could get to Washington D.C. But guess what? He was lying. He’s really just a wimpy hick. I would’ve inserted a spoiler alert there if not for the fact that this reveal was so utterly deflating and idiotic. So is there any hope for The Walking Dead returning to its former level of heart attack-inducing awesomeness? I’ve long felt that there needs to be at least the tease of an endgame. Otherwise the characters will just continue pointlessly hermit-crabbing around rural Georgia. Ever the altruist, I’ve taken it upon myself to compile a brief outline of how to improve The Walking Dead: 1) Look to the George Romero movies for more than just makeup design. Romero’s ought-to-be four star zombie epic Day of the Dead is so compelling because the characters are trying to figure out, however vainly, ways to save mankind. It doesn’t matter if they never find the cure. It presents all kinds of possibilities in exploring the nature of zombies, what caused the outbreak, what’s going on in the rest of the world, etc. The Romero movies always center on debates among the human characters about the best ways to handle the zombie outbreak. As the audience, we begin to imagine all the cool what-ifs. Is the basement safer than the boarded-up living room? Should we focus on eradicating the virus, or conditioning the existing zombies? Is the North Pole the safest place? How about an isolated island? It never occurs to Rick’s group to travel north or steal a ship and find a small island. Instead they keep bumping into new hideouts and groups of survivors a mile down the road (how is it that places like Herschel’s farm, Woodbury, and Terminus could all coexist without knowing of each other?). 2) If they don’t want to introduce an endgame, then develop the characters. Characterization was never the show’s strong point, nor did it need to be. But early characters like Shane, Dale, Morgan, Andrea, and even Milton were interesting and complex. Now there is just a cast of faces (how many can you even name?). The father/son relationship between Rick and Carl offers a bevy of opportunities, mostly squandered by making Carl a stoic, mini-adult. What’s marriage like for Glenn and Maggie? We don’t know because they never have any lines. What if Carol and Daryl started boning but Daryl has erectile dysfunction due to zombie-related PTSD? Nope, they’re just going to walk around empty buildings and splatter CG blood everywhere. 3) Start killing off characters again. Let’s face it-the reason The Walking Dead used to be so damn potent was that you never knew who was going to die next. Almost no one was safe. Sometimes it hurt because they killed characters we loved. They can’t do that anymore because none of the characters matter, except the ones who won’t die (i.e. Rick, Daryl, etc.). Now it’s just an endless line of racially diverse nobodies who die as soon as we learn their names. Better writers would make us fall in love again with Glenn and Maggie, then have them die horrifically because of a tactical blunder by Rick, leading to a mutiny which forces the characters to take sides. Just pitching here, but it surely sounds more interesting to me than Gabriel's church. 4). Make it scary again. Think of the zombies slowly filing into the house in Night of the Living Dead. Zombies are scary because of their vast numbers. They’re scary because they’ve decimated society. They’re scary because, unlike AMC's “walkers,” they retain a degree of humanness. They’re also scary when they pop out at ya, or when they look really gross, but The Walking Dead has way overused those gimmicks. That hissy snarly noise they make is so wholly ineffective now, because it plays like a broken record throughout half of every episode. The scare factor could have an easy fix. The old horror/suspense tropes still work, just as they did in the show’s early seasons. Have the zombies jump out when we least expect it. Build up some suspense with sound effects, low camera angles, and tight medium shots. The show’s not even trying to be scary anymore. Last Sunday’s episode was just people walking around killing zombies that didn’t even pose any real danger. The closest thing to suspense in the episode was the ridiculous scene where Carol and Daryl decide to escape the zombies by tipping their car off a bridge (Carol sustained a cut on her shoulder-ouch!). If the show was still scary, I wouldn’t care about an endgame or that the characters are boring. Hey folks, I know it’s easy for a keyboard crusader to trash the hard work of others and act like it’s easy to come up with better ideas. But I have to think that I’m not the only fan who feels they’ve sucked all the imagination right out of the show. And I think it’s pretty obvious why it has happened. The producers have an unprecedented success on their hands, and they’re obligated to tread water as long as possible, hoping viewers will keep eating up more of the same (they even have a spinoff in the works, which will likely stretch the franchise’s creative reserves even thinner). According the show’s well-sourced Wikipedia page, the producers recently bragged that they’ve planned this thing out as far ahead as Season 12. Sounds like we’ll be running into a lot more Governor clones and Grady hospitals. How lucky we are that Mad Men and Breaking Bad never got overly popular. When history makes its final judgment on TV’s Golden Age, the best shows will be remembered as having concluded at the heights of their brilliance. This could still happen with The Walking Dead, but only if the show values its legacy over maintaining audience share in the short term. That's all for this week. Next week I'll be reviewing the new Rancid album, plus some movie recommendations, a punk rock playlist, and more. Thanks for checking out Master Nation, where cultural commentary is self-stimulating.
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liberals too busy posing to vote, fat mike's punch out, haunted by lame ghost movies + more11/8/2014 POSEUR LIBERALS AND THE RETURN OF THE LIVING REPUBLICANS Yo, hode up! I distinctly recall the mass media promising us after the 2012 presidential elections that the Republicans were finished, forever buried by their unwillingness to appeal to Latino voters. But on Tuesday, the GOP arose from cultural oblivion like a Southern Baptist version of Michael Myers, slashing away at women’s rights and children’s healthcare just when we thought it was really dead this time. The media are now falling over themselves to point out that low voter turnout favors Republicans, and that no two-term president since World War II has maintained party control over the Senate for the duration of his tenure (1)(2). This is just a predictable blip, they say, an anomaly in an otherwise irrepressible paradigm. According to the Los Angeles Times, Republicans failed to make inroads with the most important voter blocs, and just eked out victories in contests that should’ve been more decisive (3). And indeed, voter turnout was historically low: the last time so few voters showed up at the polls was 1942, when many people were unable to vote due to overseas military service. So why is it that liberals, those vociferous exemplars of virtue and idealism, can’t bother to vote? I believe there are a couple of reasons. One is that, as we all know, there is no point in voting because the Democrats don’t represent the agendas of real liberals. How many truly progressive social policies have you seen enacted in your lifetime? Maybe the decriminalization of marijuana in some states counts, but that came from grassroots-y ballot initiatives. The problem has always been that, while the GOP pushes the agendas of all but the very looniest conservatives, the Democrats are really just Centrist Business Party Lite. We all know the Dems would be considered moderate right-wingers in any other Western nation. Nevertheless, one might think that all those passionate liberals would show up at the polls simply to make sure their kids aren’t speaking in tongues at the next public school assembly. But the liberals just don’t show up. And in the spirit of Republican cynicism I venture to suggest that it’s because liberals tend to be a bunch of posers. I’ve learned this the hard way. Here’s a tip: when posting on a liberal website, one must always try to make Abbie Hoffman look like Ayn Rand, lest s/he be accused of being NSA. For example, don’t dare suggest that the military’s budget does not, in fact, comprise a full 95% of all federal spending. It seems that most liberals are contestants in the great More Leftist Than Thou game, and it is precisely this brand of one-upmanship that has turned leftism into a hipster fad-an ideological macrocosm of trivia night at a faux-dive bar, where social change is effected not by democratic participation, but rather by where one buys his/her coffee. I don’t think the conservatives operate this way. They are expert at banding together despite secondary philosophical differences. For decades, the media has talked about how the Dems could learn from the GOP’s superior get-out-the-vote initiatives, but the real lesson liberals need to take from last Tuesday is this: trade in some of those poseurisms for a little pragmatism. FAT MIKE v. BEN WEASEL: DOUCHIEST PUNK CHAMPIONSHIP THROWDOWN NOFX front man Fat Mike caused a stir this week when he attacked a fan onstage in Sydney, Australia. Despite labored attempts by a handful of bored punkers, NOFX’s career is not ruined. Of course, there is an irony in the incident. It was Fat Mike who indignantly rebuked assembly line pop punker Ben Weasel for assaulting a woman at a SXSW gig in 2010, ultimately dumping Screeching Weasel from his influential Fat Wreck Chords. Ever the yeasty foreskin, Mr. Weasel responded with a verbose screed pointing out Mr. Mike’s hypocrisy (check out the link below this paragraph). One point that Ben seems completely oblivious to is that he took a really hard swing at a woman half his size. Some might say that’s sexist; others might say it’s an unfair double standard. But regardless of the recipient’s gender, Ben charged into the audience like Mike Tyson (or at least Little Mac) after someone much smaller than him. I don’t think that what Fat Mike did was really cool, but the two are not the same. That being said, this Fat Mike incident is indicative of why the NOFX shtick is finally wearing thin for me after all these years. I can’t think of any other rocker that seems less appreciative of his audience. He can’t even bring himself to genuinely thank the crowd at the end of shows. For years, he’s been singing about golf, Glenlivet, and the good life as a millionaire CEO, and suckers like me keep pretending it’s not an affront to punk because NOFX rocks so hard. But with a half-assed effort like 2012’s Self-Entitled, even this long-time die-hard is losing faith. The whole “king of the drug/booze thing” which was such an integral part of the band’s appeal has turned into lame self-parody. For years, Fat Mike has told us to be awesome like him and abuse drugs, but there’s plenty of evidence suggesting that much of his persona has been exaggerated. It would be really fucked up if what Fat Mike calls drug abuse is actually just sniffing an occasional Adderall, or a little coke here and there. Too bad for all the no-name punk musicians out there who’ve graduated from snorting Percocet to shooting smack because Fat Mike says that’s what punk rock is all about (4). Still, he remains one of the most creative songwriters of all time, and I’m sure I haven’t bought my last ticket to see NOFX tear through a beast like “Malachi Crunch.” http://dyingscene.com/news/ben-weasel-pens-essay-in-response-to-fat-mike-hitting-fan/ THE SCARIEST THING ABOUT OUIJA IS THAT THIS GENRE ISN’T DEAD YET Last night I saw Ouija, the latest entry in the’10s-era boo-gotcha ghost movie genre. This one is a must skip, even for hardcore fans of its dependably scary but utterly predictable ilk. Featuring a gaggle of stock teenage characters and ho-hum direction, Ouija’s got everything…you’ve seen a million times. Finding a box in the attic full of old photos and newspaper clippings that explain the backstory? Check. A quasi-creepy old lady in an insane asylum who explains how to kill the demon? Check. A racially ambiguous character that dies first? Check. Shaky-cam wide shots of a single character in front of a spacious background that comes into focus to reveal a ghost that looks just like the girl from The Ring? Check. I have a high tolerance for horror tropes if the film offers some good scares, but Ouija fails on all fronts. After multiple movies from The Conjuring and Insidious franchises (and scores of imitators), the demon-haunted house genre has become as fresh and scary as the torture porn of a decade ago. What I wouldn’t give for Hollywood to follow the template of subtle, intelligent horror films of the ‘70s, like the late Richard Attenborough’s compelling possessed-marionette-thriller, Magic. (streaming below the references) OK, so does Netflix have something better to offer? Hardly. You really have to sift through an endless array of low rent garbage to find anything worthwhile on Netflix (that you haven’t already seen). Recently though, I happened upon a real gem: Stanley Kubrick’s 1957 anti-war classic Paths of Glory, starring Kirk Douglas. I’ve been a Moloko Plus-drinking Kubrick disciple for some time now, but I haven’t seen much of his pre-Dr. Strangelove stuff. If you’re into the stylistic sensibilities of The Shining, 2001, and Eyes Wide Shut, you might reasonably wonder if The Master’s b/w films are recognizably Kubrick. I’m here to tell you that they definitely are. The elongated tracking shots, the preternaturally symmetrical set designs, the intellectual provocation, the ambiguous endings, the actors moving like they’re underwater-it’s all there. I see two major differences, however. One is that, instead of the stark color contrasts that defined Kubrick’s later material, we find expressionistic contrasts of light and shadow. The other is that Stanley’s early films are much shorter and fast-paced. Paths of Glory is a pretty simple war story wherein a regiment of World War I soldiers is assigned a ludicrous suicide mission. The unit gets blown to bits, and the three remaining soldiers abandon the mission in the face of certain death. They soon find themselves court martialed and facing execution due to their “cowardice.” Kirk Douglas plays the colonel who must defend them. For both liberals and conservatives, Paths of Glory tweaks one’s sense of moral outrage, and closes with a highly evocative, if ambiguous, set piece (which features, incidentally, the sexy future Ms. Kubrick). I doubt all of Stan the Man’s b/w films are this stellar, but I think Paths of Glory is an even more essential piece of the Kubrick filmog than Full Metal Jacket. That's it for this week. There's a full length movie below. Check back weekly for lots of talk about punk rock, politics, movies, and anything else associated with MASTER NATION. REFERENCES (1) http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/the-huge-republican-advantage-2014-midterm-elections (2) http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/in-midterm-elections-democrats-can-have-some-hope-of-retaining-control-of-senate/2014/05/11/560476c6-d913-11e3-8009-71de85b9c527_story.html (3)http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/la-na-election-turnout-20141106-story.html (4) http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6251730/nofx-fat-mike-backstage-passport-2-interview Charlatan Music Critics and the Denigration of Punk Rock + “10 Criminally Underrated Punk Albums”11/6/2014 “Hell, I’ve never heard ‘em, and now I gotta write about ‘em” —Circle Jerks “Defamation Innuendo” Punk’s not dead-in fact, the mainstream media depends on it. That’s not news, of course. For nearly two decades, punk rock has permeated car commercials, movie soundtracks, video games, and anything else the corporate CMOs want to seem edgy and youthful. When was the last time you watched a teen drama where the main character didn’t have a Ramones poster on his/her bedroom wall? In terms of cool cred, punk rock reigns supreme. Both Hollywood and Madison Avenue have jumped all over this, but not the dinosaurs in mainstream music journalism. Music critics have to pay lip-service to the cultural influence of punk lest they're exposed as the amaurotic charlatans they truly are. But they do so begrudgingly. The mainstream critics have always resented punk rock because they were so late to the party, especially the epochal days of early hardcore. Consider Michael Azerrad’s venerated profile of the 1980’s underground music scene, Our Band Could Be Your Life. It’s an entertaining read, but it never misses an opportunity to disparage the good stuff, repeatedly asserting that “Hardcore’s limited chordal and rhythmic palette fostered a sameness of sound” (1). The so-called Dean of American Rock Critics, Robert Christgau, was trendy enough to be an early champion of the Ramones, but he hated Bad Religion, dismissing Suffer as three chord monotony (2). For those of you who don’t know, “three chords” is critic code for “it’s too fast and it’s not about relationships.” Do these people have any clue how the guitar even works? Three chords? First of all, the foundation of punk rock is power chords, which technically aren’t even chords; they’re dyads. Secondly, the critics spray like tomcats over three chord music-as long as those three chords come from an acoustic guitar and are accompanied by some foppish nerd singing ironically about a girl in a coffee shop. Nevertheless, punk rock has become so ubiquitous that it might seem crazy to suggest that it’s underrated. But it totally is. Bands like the Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, and the Bad Brains produced inventive, unique, technically impressive music-every bit as much as the hipster/screamo-tripe du jour. So, in that spirit, I present “10 Criminally Underrated Punk Albums.” Please note that this list isn’t about super obscure punk bands no one’s ever heard of-those kinds of bands are unknown, not underrated. Oh, and by the way, can you guess which Bad Religion album Robert Christgau genuinely liked? Yep, Into the Unknown. 10. Angry Samoans: Inside My Brain The Samoans’ seminal release Back From Samoa is rightly considered one of the best American punk releases of all time, but its predecessor is almost as good. It’s a little more melodic and mid-tempo, but its puerile snarling conjures the essence of punk. They take Rodney Bingenheimer to task in “Get Off the Air,” pure heresy in the early LA punk scene. The choice tunes “Right Side of My Mind” and “Gimme Sopor” are as fun as anything from that era. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edQF1ktiWgk 9. Abrasive Wheels: When the Punks Go Marching In This band never ranked as anything more than a footnote in the Oi/British hardcore scene, perhaps because they blended the two elements more than any other band, arguably watering down both. Nah, fuck that-the guitars on this album are rip-roarin'. This band captured the aggressive intensity of The Exploited while maintaining the anthemic quality of Blitz. This album is nearly perfect-no filler whatsoever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGJShBe9cKo 8. Embrace: Embrace This is the Ian MacKaye project that’s been semi-forgotten. It’s perfect for those of us who are frustrated by Minor Threat’s lack of output but are too impatient to wait for Fugazi to get to the fucking point. There’s some mildly emo tendencies here and a lot of overwrought navel-gazing, but never fear, this is punk rock with a kick. It’s probably what Minor Threat’s third LP would’ve sounded like if they continued in the vein of “Salad Days” (e.g. it’s fun to scream along to). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI0XAyXz8QM 7. Minutemen: Paranoid Time The late D. Boon and co. were once considered top shelf titans of the hardcore world, but haven’t enjoyed the punk renaissance like many of their peers. It took me awhile to “get” this band, but this shit is art-a brilliant synthesis of hardcore rhythms, proletarian metaphors, and impressive jazz-punk chops. Paranoid Time is The Minutemen at their fiercest and freshest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zY6B4_kShvg 6. Greg Ginn: Let It Burn Greg Ginn’s post-1986 work is typically associated with experimental improv and electronica. But in the early ‘90s, he rediscovered sludge punk. Many of these songs could easily be outtakes from My War. Ginn was the most innovative guitarist of any genre in the 1980s, and it’s fun to track his progression here, but what really storms out of the speakers are the nihilistic lyrics that paint a world of despair as only Ginn can (okay, could). NOTE: The vid below isn’t very representative of the album, but since Ginn doesn’t allow his stuff on YouTube, very little is available. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5ySNvYsfdM 5. White Lung: Deep Fantasy I don’t get why this band isn’t better known-they barely ever rate a mention on punknews or dyingscene. In my opinion, they’re the best band of the past ten years, with a fresh sound that is distinctly 21st century without sacrificing an iota of punk’s aggression or speed. Female vocalist Mish Way blends a genuinely disturbing anguish with impressive melodic command. I hope all men hear this record because their penises will shrivel like over-compensating raisins, and that's just what the world needs. Guitarist Ken William is reinventing punk rock guitar. One of the only bands that matter right now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q58kHu6yVuc 4. Samhain: Unholy Passion It’s not as good as The Misfits, but seriously, what is? Samhain made some of the most compelling music of all time. Glenn Danzig largely dispenses with the pop melodies here in lieu of pure sonic iniquity. Most bands convey their malevolence with cartoonish screaming, endless palm muting, and double bass pedals, but anybody can (and does) do that. Danzig creates sinister moods with dark melodies; it’s the note combinations that make it sound so eerie, and that takes true craftsmanship. This is perfect for Misfits fans who love “Die Die My Darling” and “Bloodfeast” but can’t take the shirtless metal baggage of Danzig (the band). Fans should seek out the ‘90s remixes of the Samhain discography; the original vinyl mix is almost unlistenable. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAKpqym8HSQ 3. Black Flag: In My Head This, the most ignored of the major Black Flag albums, is also the best of the post-Damaged era. Songs like “Crazy Girl” and “Black Love” feature enough waltzy time signatures and imaginative scalar licks to give any prog-metal fan pause. This stuff is fucking dark. Much of it is genuinely upsetting, and far less cartoonish than most of today’s moron metal. Slip It In and especially Loose Nut are great but uneven. In My Head is the full realization of the band’s nightmarish visions. This ought to be considered one of the most quintessential post-punk releases. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AufqsGn5Pi8 2. Circle Jerks: VI There’s not much love out there for mid-tempo Circle Jerks. Steven Blush calls this album “woeful” in American Hardcore (3). But contrary to public perception, the Jerks never went metal, rather, they emulated proto-punk heroes like The Stooges and MC5. VI is chock full of hard-hitting riffs and some of Keith Morris’ best screeching to date. There’s a broad spectrum of rock influences here, and even some pissy punk that would’ve fit nicely on Golden Shower of Hits (such as “American Way”). Closing track “I Don’t” might be the coolest song ever recorded by anyone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3W14FJuQXhs 1. Meatmen: We’re the Meatmen and You STILL Suck This overlooked live album is powerful (and funny) beyond words. The playing is so technically superb as to stand up to (and often surpass) the live stuff from Maiden, Ozzy, AC/DC, or any other rock god/arena act you care to name. It blends the best elements of old school metal with savage hardcore punk, anticipating a somewhat Gwar-ish vibe, but punker. Some may find that its political incorrectness crosses (way over) the line of good taste, and those people aren’t wrong. But it’s all parody, as evidenced by Tesco Vee’s 2014 press/apology tour. And what rocks harder than these live versions of “Tooling For Anus” and “Come on Over to Mah Crib”? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVR7TVZ5eHU REFERENCES (1) Azerrad, Michael. Our Band Could Be Your Life: Scenes from the American Rock Underground 1981-1991. Boston: Little, Brown, 2001. Pg. 180. Print. (2) "Robert Christgau: CG: Bad Religion." Robert Christgau: CG: Bad Religion. Web. 1995. http://robertchristgau.com/get_artist.php?name=bad+religion (3) Blush, Steven. American Hardcore: A Tribal History. Los Angeles, CA: Feral House, 2001. Pg. 79. Print. |