liberals too busy posing to vote, fat mike's punch out, haunted by lame ghost movies + more11/8/2014 POSEUR LIBERALS AND THE RETURN OF THE LIVING REPUBLICANS Yo, hode up! I distinctly recall the mass media promising us after the 2012 presidential elections that the Republicans were finished, forever buried by their unwillingness to appeal to Latino voters. But on Tuesday, the GOP arose from cultural oblivion like a Southern Baptist version of Michael Myers, slashing away at women’s rights and children’s healthcare just when we thought it was really dead this time. The media are now falling over themselves to point out that low voter turnout favors Republicans, and that no two-term president since World War II has maintained party control over the Senate for the duration of his tenure (1)(2). This is just a predictable blip, they say, an anomaly in an otherwise irrepressible paradigm. According to the Los Angeles Times, Republicans failed to make inroads with the most important voter blocs, and just eked out victories in contests that should’ve been more decisive (3). And indeed, voter turnout was historically low: the last time so few voters showed up at the polls was 1942, when many people were unable to vote due to overseas military service. So why is it that liberals, those vociferous exemplars of virtue and idealism, can’t bother to vote? I believe there are a couple of reasons. One is that, as we all know, there is no point in voting because the Democrats don’t represent the agendas of real liberals. How many truly progressive social policies have you seen enacted in your lifetime? Maybe the decriminalization of marijuana in some states counts, but that came from grassroots-y ballot initiatives. The problem has always been that, while the GOP pushes the agendas of all but the very looniest conservatives, the Democrats are really just Centrist Business Party Lite. We all know the Dems would be considered moderate right-wingers in any other Western nation. Nevertheless, one might think that all those passionate liberals would show up at the polls simply to make sure their kids aren’t speaking in tongues at the next public school assembly. But the liberals just don’t show up. And in the spirit of Republican cynicism I venture to suggest that it’s because liberals tend to be a bunch of posers. I’ve learned this the hard way. Here’s a tip: when posting on a liberal website, one must always try to make Abbie Hoffman look like Ayn Rand, lest s/he be accused of being NSA. For example, don’t dare suggest that the military’s budget does not, in fact, comprise a full 95% of all federal spending. It seems that most liberals are contestants in the great More Leftist Than Thou game, and it is precisely this brand of one-upmanship that has turned leftism into a hipster fad-an ideological macrocosm of trivia night at a faux-dive bar, where social change is effected not by democratic participation, but rather by where one buys his/her coffee. I don’t think the conservatives operate this way. They are expert at banding together despite secondary philosophical differences. For decades, the media has talked about how the Dems could learn from the GOP’s superior get-out-the-vote initiatives, but the real lesson liberals need to take from last Tuesday is this: trade in some of those poseurisms for a little pragmatism. FAT MIKE v. BEN WEASEL: DOUCHIEST PUNK CHAMPIONSHIP THROWDOWN NOFX front man Fat Mike caused a stir this week when he attacked a fan onstage in Sydney, Australia. Despite labored attempts by a handful of bored punkers, NOFX’s career is not ruined. Of course, there is an irony in the incident. It was Fat Mike who indignantly rebuked assembly line pop punker Ben Weasel for assaulting a woman at a SXSW gig in 2010, ultimately dumping Screeching Weasel from his influential Fat Wreck Chords. Ever the yeasty foreskin, Mr. Weasel responded with a verbose screed pointing out Mr. Mike’s hypocrisy (check out the link below this paragraph). One point that Ben seems completely oblivious to is that he took a really hard swing at a woman half his size. Some might say that’s sexist; others might say it’s an unfair double standard. But regardless of the recipient’s gender, Ben charged into the audience like Mike Tyson (or at least Little Mac) after someone much smaller than him. I don’t think that what Fat Mike did was really cool, but the two are not the same. That being said, this Fat Mike incident is indicative of why the NOFX shtick is finally wearing thin for me after all these years. I can’t think of any other rocker that seems less appreciative of his audience. He can’t even bring himself to genuinely thank the crowd at the end of shows. For years, he’s been singing about golf, Glenlivet, and the good life as a millionaire CEO, and suckers like me keep pretending it’s not an affront to punk because NOFX rocks so hard. But with a half-assed effort like 2012’s Self-Entitled, even this long-time die-hard is losing faith. The whole “king of the drug/booze thing” which was such an integral part of the band’s appeal has turned into lame self-parody. For years, Fat Mike has told us to be awesome like him and abuse drugs, but there’s plenty of evidence suggesting that much of his persona has been exaggerated. It would be really fucked up if what Fat Mike calls drug abuse is actually just sniffing an occasional Adderall, or a little coke here and there. Too bad for all the no-name punk musicians out there who’ve graduated from snorting Percocet to shooting smack because Fat Mike says that’s what punk rock is all about (4). Still, he remains one of the most creative songwriters of all time, and I’m sure I haven’t bought my last ticket to see NOFX tear through a beast like “Malachi Crunch.” http://dyingscene.com/news/ben-weasel-pens-essay-in-response-to-fat-mike-hitting-fan/ THE SCARIEST THING ABOUT OUIJA IS THAT THIS GENRE ISN’T DEAD YET Last night I saw Ouija, the latest entry in the’10s-era boo-gotcha ghost movie genre. This one is a must skip, even for hardcore fans of its dependably scary but utterly predictable ilk. Featuring a gaggle of stock teenage characters and ho-hum direction, Ouija’s got everything…you’ve seen a million times. Finding a box in the attic full of old photos and newspaper clippings that explain the backstory? Check. A quasi-creepy old lady in an insane asylum who explains how to kill the demon? Check. A racially ambiguous character that dies first? Check. Shaky-cam wide shots of a single character in front of a spacious background that comes into focus to reveal a ghost that looks just like the girl from The Ring? Check. I have a high tolerance for horror tropes if the film offers some good scares, but Ouija fails on all fronts. After multiple movies from The Conjuring and Insidious franchises (and scores of imitators), the demon-haunted house genre has become as fresh and scary as the torture porn of a decade ago. What I wouldn’t give for Hollywood to follow the template of subtle, intelligent horror films of the ‘70s, like the late Richard Attenborough’s compelling possessed-marionette-thriller, Magic. (streaming below the references) OK, so does Netflix have something better to offer? Hardly. You really have to sift through an endless array of low rent garbage to find anything worthwhile on Netflix (that you haven’t already seen). Recently though, I happened upon a real gem: Stanley Kubrick’s 1957 anti-war classic Paths of Glory, starring Kirk Douglas. I’ve been a Moloko Plus-drinking Kubrick disciple for some time now, but I haven’t seen much of his pre-Dr. Strangelove stuff. If you’re into the stylistic sensibilities of The Shining, 2001, and Eyes Wide Shut, you might reasonably wonder if The Master’s b/w films are recognizably Kubrick. I’m here to tell you that they definitely are. The elongated tracking shots, the preternaturally symmetrical set designs, the intellectual provocation, the ambiguous endings, the actors moving like they’re underwater-it’s all there. I see two major differences, however. One is that, instead of the stark color contrasts that defined Kubrick’s later material, we find expressionistic contrasts of light and shadow. The other is that Stanley’s early films are much shorter and fast-paced. Paths of Glory is a pretty simple war story wherein a regiment of World War I soldiers is assigned a ludicrous suicide mission. The unit gets blown to bits, and the three remaining soldiers abandon the mission in the face of certain death. They soon find themselves court martialed and facing execution due to their “cowardice.” Kirk Douglas plays the colonel who must defend them. For both liberals and conservatives, Paths of Glory tweaks one’s sense of moral outrage, and closes with a highly evocative, if ambiguous, set piece (which features, incidentally, the sexy future Ms. Kubrick). I doubt all of Stan the Man’s b/w films are this stellar, but I think Paths of Glory is an even more essential piece of the Kubrick filmog than Full Metal Jacket. That's it for this week. There's a full length movie below. Check back weekly for lots of talk about punk rock, politics, movies, and anything else associated with MASTER NATION. REFERENCES (1) http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/the-huge-republican-advantage-2014-midterm-elections (2) http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/in-midterm-elections-democrats-can-have-some-hope-of-retaining-control-of-senate/2014/05/11/560476c6-d913-11e3-8009-71de85b9c527_story.html (3)http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/la-na-election-turnout-20141106-story.html (4) http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6251730/nofx-fat-mike-backstage-passport-2-interview
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